#5 THE ONE ABOUT LOSING PEOPLE.
What I have come to understand about losing people, is that there is little to no control you have over it. Whether you lose them through death, or a falling out, or a mutual decision to part ways, a lot of the times there is not much you can do about it.
What is in your control however, is you allowing yourself to grieve it. And yes, it is very important for you to grieve those losses whether or not the person died. And grief is not a process you can time. It is a process that comes in waves. Sometimes you think you are over it, then something happens and it's like you're right back to square one.
You have to allow yourself to go with that wave. Trying to control how the grief comes is very futile because sometimes the grief waves are not respectors of your time, and they can be very inconveniencing. So what you have control over is giving yourself permission to grieve. Allowing yourself to go with the flow of the waves.
Now, I know sometimes you might wonder if there is anything you could have done to avoid losing the person. Maybe that's denial? Because you have to remember that if someone has decided to walk out on you, convincing them might be difficult, and maybe you shouldn't even be trying to convince someone to stay in your life when they don't see the value in it.
But when it comes to death, and you're wondering if there was a way you could prevent it, I want to tell you that 90% of the time, this is actually one of those circumstances that you definitely cannot control. And even if you could, death is still as inevitable as change, so it is coming one way or another. And a lot of the times you are never prepared for it to come knocking at your door.
So all this to say, losing people is one of those things you have to sit through and manage the impact it is having on you, not trying to prevent the impact.
Sit with it, mourn, and let go.
love, Mumbi.
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